I did, however, happen upon a little gem of a news item in the Parkersburg, West Virginia, newspaper. I can't resist sharing this. (A little helpful background geography lesson: Parkersburg is on the Ohio River, across the way from a little spot called Belpre, Ohio.)
~Belpre woman attacked and injured by donkeys~
A woman was attacked and injured by donkeys during the weekend, police said.
Susan Woodward, 40, of 705 Dugan Road, Belpre, was attacked Sunday by "a trio of renegade, roaming donkeys," according to the Washington County Sheriff's Department.
Woodward reported to the sheriff's department "the animals came onto her property through the adjacent woods and as she attempted to contain them in her yard the alpha-donkey attacked her."
A neighbor arrived to assist, but the donkey had knocked Woodward down into a ditch, the sheriff's department reported. The animal was kicking her and had bitten her in both legs and on the arm.
The case was referred to the Washington County Humane Society for investigation.
Deputies were not able to locate the owner of the donkeys.
Watch out! It's a dangerous world out there!